5 steps I took to awaken the badass that was already in me
Being regularly undermined rarely doesn’t leave a mark on a person. It definitely did a number on me. Whether it was a family member telling me (from quite an early age) I needed a man to put me in place, because I was way too opinionated and assertive for a woman, or a guy at work daily trying to diminish my value by calling me ‘little girl’, instead of my name. After more than two decades of such regular undermining, I didn’t question them much – I believed them. I second-guessed my every single step. I would analyze my tone and what I was saying to not sound too assertive or commanding. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for longer than I care to admit because I thought that was normal – somebody had to put me in my place, remember? It is a vicious cycle; the more you let them, the more they put you down. It takes a lot of strength to fight it, break the cycle, but it is possible. And once you beat them, beat all that undermining, underestimating of yourself, you are freaking invincible.
Everyone has their own path and their own demons, so there is no unique approach. I can only share my journey and hope it will inspire you to awaken that badass inside of you who doesn’t take other people’s shit and that marches to the beat of their own drum. So without further ado, here’s what I did:
I reversed my approach
Instead of always considering what others said to be the truth and second-guessing my every single thought, I started second-guessing what others said and started believing in myself.
I started saying no
I was so lousy with boundaries, in a way that others could really push me around. Once I changed that, some people left and took their toxicity with them.
I reassured myself daily
I haven’t converted overnight to this confident superwoman. As a matter of fact, I still haven’t. Everyday I remind myself of my own worth, remind myself of how strong I am and how I only lose my strength by second-guessing it.
I started taking it as a compliment
Once I changed the way I interpreted the undermining comments, it was much easier to just shake them off. Before, a comment like ‘you are way to opinionated and assertive’ or ‘you should focus on starting to build a family, not a career’ used to feel so belittling (which it still is, don’t get me wrong). I now see those comments as personal applauds for how provocatively successful I am.
I became more vocal about supporting others on their own quests for greatness
Not that before I wasn’t cheering for others, I just wasn’t that upfront or vocal about it (and I am sorry for that). Loudly cheering and supporting others really is an awesome feeling, an amazing deed, and a catalyst for your own greatness.
And there you have it. Every little step altogether resulted in a great new energy of, to put it bluntly, being a BADASS. And badasses do amazing stuff.